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All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).
matlock.wav(118K) matlock.mp3(118K)
Bart: "Grandpa, Matlock's not real..."
Abe: "Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob if someone cuts it off and smushes it into a fine paste... now that's good eatin'!"
withit.wav(124K) withit.mp3(124K)
Abe: "I used to be 'with it', but then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it', and what's 'it' is seems wierd and scary to me. It'll happen to you..."
lindberg.wav(131K) lindberg.mp3<(131K)
Abe: "All right, I admit it: I am the Lindberg baby! Wah! Wah! Goo goo! I miss my fly-fly dah-dah!"
: "Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile?"
Abe: "A little from column A, a little from column B..."
inyrdrms.wav(snores)"(132K) inyrdrms.mp3(snores)"(132K)
Abe: "Hello, beautful..."
Lunch Lady Doris: "In your dreams..."
Abe: "We'll see about that..."
wellwel.wav(139K) wellwel.mp3(139K)
Abe: "Well, well, well... before I was too old, and no one wanted my help... suddenly, look who comes to old Grandpa... WAIT, where're you going? Come back, I'll tell you..."
abedeath.wav(168K) abedeath.mp3(168K)
Abe: "Death stalks you at every turn... Arrrgh... Death... There it is: death... You know, at my age, the mind starts playing tricks, so... arrrrgh... death... Oh, where were we? Deeeeeeath..."
gramp.wav(81K) gramp.mp3(81K)
Marge: "Where'd you get all the money?"
Abe: "The government... I didn't earn it, I don't need it, but if they miss one payment I'll raise hell!"
3states.wav(95K) 3states.mp3(95K)
Abe: "Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays... please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot..."
gramp3.wav(98K) gramp3.mp3(98K)
Abe: "And I didn't like it one bit! It was disgusting and violent. I think all you people are despicable! For shame!"
grandpa.wav(choking sounds)"(69K) grandpa.mp3(choking sounds)"(69K)
Abe: "That's 'cuz you're a screw-up!"
Homer: "You're the screw-up!"
Abe: "Why you little..."
grandpa2.wav(enters coma, then revives)... French toast please."(77K) grandpa2.mp3(enters coma, then revives)... French toast please."(77K)
Abe: "Coma? Pffft... Why I go in and outta comas all the ..."
metric.wav(80K) metric.mp3(80K)
Abe: "I said the metric system is the tool of the devil... My car gets 40 rods to the hog's head, and that's the way I likes it!"
bestsex.wav(32K) bestsex.mp3(32K)
Abe: "Think of me when you're having the best sex of your life!"
racoon.wav(36K) racoon.mp3(36K)
Abe: "That raccoon stole my lamb chop!"
theplan.wav(40K) theplan.mp3(40K)
Abe: "Just leave me in the car with the window open a crack."
Homer: "That's the plan!"
gpa_evil.wav(44K) gpa_evil.mp3(44K)
Abe: "Evil! Evil!"
democrat.wav(49K) democrat.mp3(49K)
Abe: "That's the democrats for ya..."
oldman.wav(49K) oldman.mp3(49K)
Abe: "I'm an old man! I hate everything but Matlock... Ooh, it's on now!"
kill-it.wav(25K) kill-it.mp3(25K)
Abe: "Argh! Kill it! Kill it!"
doomed.wav(26K) doomed.mp3(26K)
Abe: "Oh no, we're all doomed!"
bitchbitch.wav(30K) bitchbitch.mp3(30K)
Abe: "Oh bitch, bitch, bitch!"
coughup.wav(30K) coughup.mp3(30K)
Abe: "I've coughed up scarier stuff than that..."
granshtp.wav(8K) granshtp.mp3(8K)
Abe: "Shut up!"
nuts2you.wav(9K) nuts2you.mp3(9K)
Abe: "Nuts to you!"
apucomeagain.wav(11K) apucomeagain.mp3(11K)
Apu: "Please come again..."
abimold.wav(19K) abimold.mp3(19K)
Abe: "I'm old - gimme gimme gimme!"