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Burns: "As punishment for your desertion, it's company policy to give you the plague."

Burns: "Oops! Lost a nail... well, that's leprosy for you..."

Burns: "That fellow at Radio Shack said I was mad... well who's mad now? (diabolical laughing)"

Burns: "(sarcastic) Oooh, the Germans are mad at me... I'm so scared! Oooooh, the Germans... Uh oh... (chorus of Germanic-sounding voices saying 'Stop it, Burns' The Germans are coming after me... Oh, don't let the Germans come after me... Oh, the Germans are coming after me... No, they're so big and strong... Protect me from the Germans! The Germans!"

Marge: "I'm going to sue the pants off you!"
Burns: "You don't have to sue me to get my pants off... grrrrr!"

Burns: "Smithers, dismember the corpse and send his widow a corsage..."

Burns: "Oh Smithers, I guess there's nothing left but to kiss my sorry butt goodbye..."
Smithers: "May I sir?"
Burns: "Ew!"

Burns: "This man is costing my health plan five thousand dollars a day. I demand that he die with dignity!"

Burns: "Smithers, this beer isn't working... I don't feel any younger or funkier..."
Smithers: "Well, switch to the tablespoon, sir."

Burns: "(as robot) Hello... Smithers... You're quite good at turning me on."

Burns: "What in blue blazes do you think you're doing?"

Burns: "When I pass on, you shall be buried alive with me..."

Smithers: "I'm afraid we have a bad image, sir... Market research shows people see you as something of an ogre..."
Burns: "I ought to club them and eat their bones..."

Burns: "Dammit Smithers, this isn't rocket science... it's brain surgery!"

Burns: "Clinking, clavering cacaphony of collisionous cogs and cam shifts... take that!"

Burns: "Hmmm... who's that goat-legged fellow? I like the cut of his jib..."
Smithers: "Er, Prince of Darkness, sir, he's your 11 o'clock."

Burns: "Isn't life grand?"

Burns: "Now let's burn rubber, baby!"

Burns: "Yes, you're in deep doo now"

Burns: "Cooooh... I'm afraid I've had one of my trademark changes of heart!"

Burns: "Pish posh!"

Burns: "Hot dog!"

Burns: "Be gone from my sight!"