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: "The whole thing in one big .wav file."

: "We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas."

Stan: "Wait a minute!"
Kyle: "What?"
Stan: "Aren't you Jewish, Kyle?"
Kyle: "Yeah, I think so."
Stan: "Dude, Jewish people don't celebrate Christmas."
Kyle: "What?"
Stan: "You're supposed to sing Hanukah songs."

Kyle: "Dredel, dredel, dredel, I made you out of clay. Dredel, dredel, dred-"

: "That's a stupid song.
Yeah, Hanukah sucks."

: "Don't you oppress me, fat boy!
Don't call me fat, buttbleeper."

: "Then don't belittle my people you bleeping fat ass!
bleep damnit don't call me fat you buttbleeping son of a bitch."

: "What the?"

: "Behold my glory.
Holy bleep, its Jesus!
What are you doing in South Park, Jesus?"

: "I come seeking... retribution.
gasp, He's come to kill you because you're Jewish, Kyle!
Oh, FUCK! I'm sorry, Jesus. Don't kill me!"

: "Fear not, I love all my children.
WHEW!
Tomorrow is my birthday, yet all is not right.
Your birthday is on Christmas? That sucks, dude.
I must find a place called... the mall."

: "Well, we can take you to the mall, Jesus.
Yeah, its over this way."

: "Hey! bleepdamnit you stepped on my foot you pigbleeper.
Dude, don't say pigbleeper in front of Jesus.
Ah, bleep you."

: "Here we are, Jesus, South Park mall. Who are you looking for?"

: "HIM!"

: "Ho, Ho, Ho! We meet again Jesus!
You have blemished the meaning of Christmas for the last time, Kringle."

: "I bring happiness and love to children all over the world!"

: "Christmas is for celebrating my birth!"

: "Christmas is for giving!
I am here to put an end to your blasphemy!"

: "This time we finish it! There can be only one!"

: "Dude, this is pretty bleeped up right here."

: "Waaaaahhhh!
Hiyaaaahhhh!"

: "Go Santa!"

: "Uh, um, go Jesus."

: "Jung-kwan-do!"

: "Yok-tuki!"

: "Oh no!"

: "Oh my god, they killed Kenny!"

: "C'mon you son of a bitch!
C'mon!
C'mon!"

: "Boys help me put an end to him, once and for all!
No boys, help me, so that I can put an end to him!
God is watching you boys, you know who to help!"

: "Stan, remember the Choo-Choo when you were three?
I died for your sins boys. Don't forget that!"

: "I don't know what to do dude! Who should we help?"

: "I say we help Santa Claus!"

: "You're just saying that because he brings you candy."

: "Hey, I don't need to take that kinda bleep from a Jew!"

: "You're such a fat bleep Cartman, that when you walk down the street people go GOD DAMNIT that is a big fat FUCK!
Oh yeah? Listen to this..."

: "Wait, just a second. Now, we've got to think here. Now lets see. What would Brian Boytano do?"

: "Yeah, what would Brian Boytano do?"

: "Did someone say my name?
Brian Boytano!
What incredible irony.
Yeah, Brian Boytano!"

: "What's going on kids?"

: "Brian, who would you help in a fight? Jesus or Santa Claus."

: "Kids, you shouldn't think of things like that. This is the one time of year in which we all try to get along. It doesn't matter what we believe in. This is the season just to be good to one another..."

: "Bye!"

: "You bleeping pussy....
Come here!"

: "Hey, Jesus. You have to understand that Santa is keeping the spirit of your birthday alive by bringing happiness and joy."

: "Yeah. And Santa, you need to remember that if it weren't for Jesus this day wouldn't even exist!"

: "You're right kids! I'm sorry Jesus."

: "No, no. It's me who should be sorry. I've been a right bastard! I'm sorry Kringle."

: "Thank you boys."

: "Yeah, thank you boys. Come on Kringle, I'll buy you an orange smoothie!
Ooooo!"

: "Phew! That sucked!
Yeah, but just think. Today we actually met... we actually spoke to the Brian Boytano."

: "Yeah, and you know, I think I learned something today. It doesn't matter if you're Christian or Jewish or Atheist or Hindu. Christmas is still about one very important thing."

: "Yeah... ham."

: "No, not ham, you fat bleep!
bleep you!"

: "Christmas is about something much more important.
What?
Presents."

: "Ah!
Don't you see, Kyle?
Yeah.
Presents.
Hey man, if you're Jewish you get presents for eight days!"

: "Wow! Really? Count me in!
Yeah! I'll be a Jew too!"

: "Dredel, dredel, dredel, I made you out of clay. Dredel, dredel, dredel, the dredel I will play..."