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Thurman (Barry Shabaka Henley): "What exactly are you doing in the United States, Mr. Navorski?"
Viktor Navorski (Tom Hanks): "Yellow taxicab, please. Take me to Ramada Inn, 161 Lexington."
Thurman: "Staying at the Ramada Inn?"
Viktor: "Keep the change."

Thurman: "Do you know anyone in New York?"
Viktor: "Yes."
Thurman: "Who?"
Viktor: "Yes."
Thurman: "Who?"
Viktor: "Yes."
Thurman: "No, do you know anyone in New York?"
Viktor: "Yes. Yes."
Thurman: "Who?"
Viktor: "Yes."

Frank Dixon (Stanley Tucci): "You are a citizen of nowhere."
Thurman: "Now, even if we could get you new papers, we couldn't process them until the US recognizes your country's new diplomatic reclassification."
Frank: "Yeah, see, you don't qualify for asylum, refugee status, temporary protective status, humanitarian parole, or non-immigration work travel. You don't qualify for any of these things. You are at this time simply... unacceptable."
Viktor: "Unacceptable."
Frank: "Unacceptable."
Viktor: "Unacceptable."

Viktor: "Big Apple tour includes Brooklyn Bridge, Empire State, Broadway show Cats."
Frank: "Well, I got more bad news for you, Mr. Navorski. Cats has closed."

Viktor: "Where do I buy the Nike shoes?"

Frank: "I'm sure that Uncle Sam will have this all sorted out by tomorrow, and welcome to the United States... almost."

Thurman: "Beyond those doors is American soil. Mr. Dixon wants me to make it very clear to you that you are not to enter through those doors. You are not to leave this building. America is closed."
Viktor: "America closed. America closed."

Gupta Rajan (Kumar Pallana): "Do you have an appointment?"
Viktor: "Uh?"
Gupta: "I'm sorry, I don't let anyone to look at my trash without an appointment."
Viktor: "Uh?"
Gupta: "I have an opening next Tuesday."
Viktor: "Tuesday. Tuesday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Tuesday."
Gupta: "Tuesday."
Viktor: "Tuesday."
Gupta: "It will be good time for you to come back and get lost. Okay, goodbye. Sorry."

Gupta: "I think he's CIA. The CIA put him here to spy on us."

Gupta: "She gave him heel of the her shoes. And he gave her a piece of the papers."
Mulroy (Chi McBride): "Was it microfilm?"
Gupta: "A coupon from Payless Shoes. Must be some kind of the code."
Mulroy: "Monty, I think you've been spending too much time inhaling them cleaning products."

Viktor: "You-- You have two stamp: one red, one green."
Torres (Zoe Saldana): "So?"
Viktor: "So, I have chance to go to New York 50-50."

Gupta: "Put it down! You ty to take my mop. You try to take my floor. It's my job. Stay off my floor. Stay away from my mop. If you touch it again, I kill you."

Enrique Cruz (Diego Luna): "So, she had a boyfriend? For how long? Two years?"
Viktor: "What happened?"
Enrique: "He chit."
Viktor: "What?"
Enrique: "He chit."
Viktor: "Eat chit?"
Enrique: "He chit. He chit. He chit. He chit."
Viktor: "Okay, try to repeat exactly what shet said."
Enrique: "He chit. She catch him. So..."
Viktor: "Oh, He cheats."
Enrique: "Yes, yes, yes, yes."

Enrique: "He-- He cheats."
Viktor: "Um-hmm."
Enrique: "You say, cheats..."
Viktor: "He chit."
Enrique: "...not chit. No, no, cheat."
Viktor: "Enrique, you, no chit."
Enrique: "No cheat."
Viktor: "No chit."
Enrique: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I won't-- I won't cheat, not chit."
Viktor: "She is a nice-- nice girl. She won't take your chitting."

Torres: "Who is it? Who's telling you to ask me these things?"
Viktor: "Well, it's a man of misery."
Torres: "Mis-- Misery? Mystery?"
Viktor: "No, no. Misery. Man of misery. He's so sick. He's so in love."

Viktor: "So, I go New York City?"
Frank: "Uh-huh. You can go to New York City Tonight. But, you only get to go if we can establish a credible fear."
Viktor: "Fear?"
Frank: "Mm-hmm, fear."
Viktor: "Fear."
Frank: "Fear."
Viktor: "Fear."
Frank: "Fear."
Viktor: "From what?"
Frank: "Well, that's the best part. It doesn't really matter what you're afraid of. It's all the same to Uncle Sam. Okay? So I'm going to ask you one question, Viktor. And if you give me the right answer, I can get you ot of thi airport tonight."
Viktor: "So, I answer one question..."
Frank: "Um-hmm."
Viktor: "...go to New York City..."
Frank: "Uh-huh."
Viktor: "Tonight."
Frank: "Tonight."
Thurman: "Tonight."
Viktor: "Tonight. Uh... Well, okay!"
Frank: "Okay."
Thurman: "Okay."
Frank: "Okay, alright. Do you, at this time, have any fear of returning to your own country?"
Viktor: "Uh, no."

Amelia Warren (Catherine Zeta-Jones): "I just wish the sex wasn't so amazing."
Viktor: "Oh... Okay, alright, uh, bye-bye."

Viktor: "I have beeper."

Brookstone Manager (Carlease Burke): "Do you live nearby?"
Viktor: "Yes, yes, Gate 67."
Brookstone Manager "Because we are very particular about punctiali-- Did you say Gate 67?"
Viktor: "Gate 67."
Brookstone Manager "(Laughs)"

Cliff Discovery Store Manager (Dan Finnerty): "Alright, and when's the best time to reach you?"
Viktor: "Now?"

Gupta: "He could be recording everything we say. A wire in his shirt. A microphone up in his ass. I'm not giong to lose my job."
Mulroy: "Fine. Will you feel better if we x-rayed him?"
Gupta: "Yes."

Enrique: "I checked it out. There were witnesses. Those are Cher's panties. Ready?"
Mulroy: "Hurry up."
Viktor: "So, will we share the panties?"
Enrique: "No, no, no."
Mulroy: "Not if I win."

Viktor: "He love that goat."

Gupta: "There was a 20 man. Immigration gun was drawn. The Dixon was ready to fire. To kill the little man with the pills. But then someone walks into the room and stand in front of this little man. 'Put the guns away,' the man say, 'Nobody will die today.'"
Janitor (Robert Covarrubias): "Who? Who was it that saved him?"
The Crowd: "Yeah, tell us. Who was it?"
Gupta: "Navorski. Viktor 'The Goat' Navorski."

Viktor: "Amelia, would you like to get eat to bite? Bite to eat? Cantaloni?"

Viktor: "Bite to eat? Bite to eat? Bite to eat? Eat to bite? Eat to bite. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat. Bite to eat..."

Gupta: "I had a small tobacco shop in Madras. Made just enough money to survive. One day this policeman comes in and tells me I owe him some tax. I said okay. This is common, so I pay him. But, the next day, the same policeman come and keep coming and keep coming. And I am paying and I'm paying him and I'm paying him and I'm paying him. And finally, on the fifth day, I take a knife and I stab him in his chest."
Viktor: "You killed policeman?"
Gupta: "No, I just missed his heart. When they tried to arrest me, I just run away."

Gupta: "Do you have an appointment?"

Amelia: "I love the suit."
VIktor: "Oh, Hugo Boss. On sale, $149.99."

Gupta: "You are a coward! You are a coward! You make me sick!"

Frank: "Arrest him! Arrest him!"

Cab Driver (Scott Adsit): "Where you go?"
Viktor: "161 Lexington. Please take the Van Wyck Expressway to Queensboro Bridge. Is faster than BQE."
Cab Driver: "Where you from?"
Viktor: "Krakozhia. Viktor Navorski."
Cab Driver: "I am Goran. Albania."
Viktor: "Oh, when you come to New York?"
Cab Driver: "Oof... Thursday."