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Coach / Guest / Littlejeans: "I can't believe they let him build a campfire on stage. It's clearly a safety hazard...What did you think Mr. Littlejeans? / Best play ever, man."

Max Fischer: "...I should be trying harder to score with chicks.."

Miss Cross: "...You and Herman deserve eachother. Your both little children."

Max Fischer: "...Frank, you enter stage right with the bag of coccaine"

Magnus / Max: "Fischer, ya bleep! ...Not for long Kemo Sabe."

Cross / Max: "What happened to your nose? / I got punched in the face. What's yoru excuse?"

Dirk / Blume: "I know about you and the teacher ...Your a married man, Blume ...With friends like you, who needs friends? (Spits.)"

Serpico / Max: "...Get off my back! / ...Don't bleep with my play!"

Max / Magnus: "...It was the hand job. And you wanna now something else? It was worth it."

Cross / Max: "...My top schools were where I want to apply to are Oxford and the Sorbonne. My safety's Harvard."

Margaret / Max: "I loved it when you grabbed onto the bottom of the chopper as it was taking off. / That was totally improvised."

Magnus / Max: "Why don't you just piss off, Fischer? / ...Was that Latin?"

George / Max: "...Tell that deformed Scottish gorilla to shut his fat face ...What are you, a lawyer?"

Dirk Calloway: "...I knew for sure when they went skinny-dipping in Mr. Blume's pool while giving eachother handjobs..."

Actor / Max: "...Nigga, you the crazy one. People be tryin' to kill you. Now you talkin' about gettin' rid a your gun?..."

Max Fischer: "(Max goes to public school, and gives a speech.)"

Magnus / Max: "Fisher, ya spotty wee bleep-up. Got any good handjobs lately?..."

Max / Peter: "I like your nurse's uniform, guy. / These are O.R. scrubs. / Oh, are they?"

Max / The Yangs: "...A kid got his finger got blown off during rehearsals."

Dirk / Max: "...Well, tell that stupid Mick he just made my list of things to do today. I'm gonna pop a cap in his ass."

Max / Magnus: "I got a propasition for ya. / Well you can stick it up your mother's ass, ya little prick. ...I always wanted to be in one of your bleepin' plays..."

Max / Blume: "How in the hell did you ever get so rich? Your a quitter, man!..."

Mr. Blume: "...Here's my advice to the rest of you: take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the cross hairs, and take them down."

Blume / Max: "She's my Rushmore, Max. / I know. She was mine too."

Max Fischer: "Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses, and ear plugs under your seats. Feel free to use them..."

Max Fischer: "I saved Latin. What did you ever do?"

Blume / Max: "What's the secret, Max?..."

Blume / Guggenhiem: "...Sharp little guy. / He's one of the worst students we've got."

Guggenhiem / Max: "We're putting you on what we call Sudden Death Academic Probation. / ...Could I see some documentation on that?"

Max / Blume: "...That's all I meant by relationship. Want me to grab a dictionary?"

Max / Blume: "...Were you in the bleep? / Yeah, I was in the bleep."

Max Fischer: "War does funny things to men."

Max Fischer: "...I'll just be out back, getting handjobs from the woman you love."