All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).
janitor.wav(70K) janitor.mp3(70K) janitor.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood (David Chappelle): "I myself am a master of the custodial arts, or a janitor if you want to be a dick about it."
grill.wav(99K) grill.mp3(99K) grill.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scarface (Guillermo Díaz): "You son-of-a-bitch, I'm right behind you. Turn around and ask me for a hefer with cheese yo. Why you got to make me feel inferior because I'm on the grill B? Damn!"
four.wav(126K) four.mp3(126K) four.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Brian (Jim Breuer): "Lady, you want seven bucks for a used Kenny Loggins record? I'll give you five."
Lady Customer: "No, He autographed it himself."
Brian: "Alright, I'll give you four."
drugs.wav(27K) drugs.mp3(27K) drugs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "Now, I don't do drugs though. Just weed."
college.wav(14K) college.mp3(14K) college.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "What'd you go to weed college?"
munchies.wav(530K) munchies.mp3(530K) munchies.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Brian: "Get some sour cream and onion chips, and some dip man, and some beef jerky, and some peanut butter. Get some Haggen Daz ice cream bars, a whole lot of Ha..., make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate man, some popcorn, bread popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows, the little chocolate bars. We'll make some smores man."
Scarface: "Yeah, that's what I'm saying yo?"
Brian: "Also celery, grape jelly, uh Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas man, with everything on them, with water, a whold lot of water, and funions, yeah."
Kenny (Harland Williams): "Is that all?"
the_guy.wav(90K) the_guy.mp3(90K) the_guy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
The Guy on the Couch (Steven Wright): "Kenny called. He's in jail. He didn't leave a number. Sincerely The Guy on the Couch"
ten_percent.wav(125K) ten_percent.mp3(125K) ten_percent.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "Hey Kenny, we're gonna get you out of there man."
Scarface: "All we got to do is raise ten percent of one million man, which by our calculations is..."
Brian: "bleepin' impossible man."
maryjane.wav(43K) maryjane.mp3(43K) maryjane.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "And your name is?"
Mary Jane: "Mary Jane."
wow.wav(82K) wow.mp3(82K) wow.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mary Jane: "My father is a drug dealer."
Thurgood: "Wow, that must have been the bleep!"
Mary Jane: "It ruined his life."
Thurgood: "That must have been bleepty."
dick.wav(43K) dick.mp3(43K) dick.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scarface: "Yeah, it's bad enough you're a janitor yo."
Thurgood: "Custodian DICK!"
responsibility.wav(229K) responsibility.mp3(229K) responsibility.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scientist (R.D. Reid): "I know this isn't your responsibility but, uh would you be a dear and run this down to the supply department for me? It's on the second floor."
Thurgood: "Just run this down?"
Scientist: "Uh yes, but make sure you bring the order right back to me. I need it A.S.A.P."
Thurgood: "Got ya. Hey, I know this isn't your responsibility but just mop the rest of this bleep up, I'll be right back."
pound.wav(48K) pound.mp3(48K) pound.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Supply Clerk (Alice Poon): "Here you go. One pound of marijuana and you can sign for it right here."
u_sure.wav(21K) u_sure.mp3(21K) u_sure.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Brian: "(Thurgood and Scarface are coughing) Are you sure I should do this man?"
lazy.wav(49K) lazy.mp3(49K) lazy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "Hey, who's on munchies tonight?"
Scarface: "We should make that lazy bitch The Guy go yo. (The Guy flicks them off but they don't see)"
shiz-nittle-bam.wav(41K) shiz-nittle-bam.mp3(41K) shiz-nittle-bam.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "This weed was the shiz-nittle-bam-snip-snap-sack"
homo_erectus.wav(114K) homo_erectus.mp3(114K) homo_erectus.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kenny: "I walk around on two legs Homo Erectus. Did I say homo? I didn't mean that."
forms.wav(62K) forms.mp3(62K) forms.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Brian: "There's got to be forms laying around. I mean, they are scientists."
what.wav(25K) what.mp3(25K) what.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "What the bleep are you talking about man?"
memory.wav(38K) memory.mp3(38K) memory.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "Marijuana affects the memory."
wussy.wav(23K) wussy.mp3(23K) wussy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scarface: "Stop being such a wussie yo."
huh.wav(5K) huh.mp3(5K) huh.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
fund.wav(35K) fund.mp3(35K) fund.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "We're not drug dealers, we're fund raisers."
ok.wav(22K) ok.mp3(22K) ok.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scarface: "Of course B."
Brian: "Bully man."
check_it.wav(22K) check_it.mp3(22K) check_it.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scarface: "Check it out yo. It's like this."
chill.wav(79K) chill.mp3(79K) chill.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Squirrel Master (Tommy Chong): "Chill Nasty Nate, he's my bitch. Anybody's gonna stab him it's gonna be me. You got a problem with that?"
im_somebodys.wav(16K) im_somebodys.mp3(16K) im_somebodys.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kenny: "I'm sombody's bitch."
help.wav(121K) help.mp3(121K) help.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kenny: "You guys got to do something. There's this guy in here his name's Nasty Nate whose's after my cocktail fruit. And everyone here likes fresh fish. And then the Squirrel Mastercame out of left field and tolm me I'm his bitch. And help."
fouryears.wav(29K) fouryears.mp3(29K) fouryears.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "Four years just for weed? Damn!"
come_on.wav(68K) come_on.mp3(68K) come_on.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "Come on Mary Jane, I mean, do I look like someone who would smoke marijuana?"
i_got.wav(59K) i_got.mp3(59K) i_got.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "I got some booty. I got some booty. I got some booty."
on_weed1.wav(137K) on_weed1.mp3(137K) on_weed1.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Enhancement Smoker (Jon Stewart): "Did you ever see Scent of a Woman?"
Enhancement Smoker: "You ever seen Scent of a Woman... on weed? That's the way to see it. It's just wacked."
on_weed2.wav(149K) on_weed2.mp3(149K) on_weed2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Enhancement Smoker: "You ever seen the back of a 20 on weed. Oh there's some wierd bleep in there man. There's a dude sitting in the bushes. Does he have a gun? I don't know man. I don't know. What? Red team go. Red team go."
on_weed3.wav(27K) on_weed3.mp3(27K) on_weed3.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Enhancement Smoker: "Especially on weed man."
stopped.wav(54K) stopped.mp3(54K) stopped.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scavenger Smoker (Snoop Doggy Dogg): "That's too bad man. I just stopped smoking yesterday. (takes another hit)"
dime.wav(37K) dime.mp3(37K) dime.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Historian Smoker (Willie Nelson): "Man, I remember when a dime bag cost a dime. You know what I mean?"
condoms.wav(72K) condoms.mp3(72K) condoms.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Historian Smoker: "You know how much condoms used to cost back in them days?"
Thurgood: "How much?"
Historian Smoker: "I don't know. I... We never used them."
i_quit.wav(75K) i_quit.mp3(75K) i_quit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scarface: "bleep you. bleep you. bleep you. You're cool. And bleep you. I'm out."
fired.wav(427K) fired.mp3(427K) fired.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Brian: "Don't worry. Don't worry, I'm not gonna do what everyone thinks I'm gonna do and flip out man. All I wanna know is who's coming with me? Who's coming man? Who's coming with me? Huh? Who's coming with me man?"
Jan: "I will."
Brian: "Jan, thank you Jan yeah."
girlfriend.wav(113K) girlfriend.mp3(113K) girlfriend.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Brian: "Um Jan, will you be my girlfriend?"
Jan (Laura Silverman): "Uh, I would but I'm gay. You know..."
Jan: "Yeah, I'm a big dyke."
mama.wav(24K) mama.mp3(24K) mama.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Sir Smoke-a-lot (David Chappelle): "HE HAD SEX WITH MY MAMA!"
help2.wav(33K) help2.mp3(33K) help2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Sir Smoke-a-lot: "God, if you're listening HELP!"
doctors.wav(19K) doctors.mp3(19K) doctors.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Sir Smoke-a-lot: "The doctors say I need a backiodemy"
get_away.wav(12K) get_away.mp3(12K) get_away.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Sir Smoke-a-lot: "Get away from me biatch"
no_more.wav(19K) no_more.mp3(19K) no_more.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Sir Smoke-a-lot: "I can't take it no more!"
myself.wav(56K) myself.mp3(56K) myself.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kenny: "(singing) All by myself."
jeopardy.wav(29K) jeopardy.mp3(29K) jeopardy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "Kenny's butthole was in constant jeopardy."
garcia.wav(53K) garcia.mp3(53K) garcia.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Brian: "For 400 dollars I got Jerry Garcia in a POUCH man."
fibber.wav(17K) fibber.mp3(17K) fibber.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Brian: "Cause you're a fibber."
saving.wav(70K) saving.mp3(70K) saving.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "And the money we do have is not for spending. It's for saving... Kenny's sweet virgin ass man."
i_swear.wav(23K) i_swear.mp3(23K) i_swear.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "I swear I will BITCH slap you!"
focused.wav(67K) focused.mp3(67K) focused.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "We gotta start being more responsibl,e (takes a hit) and focused alright. (takes another hit) Lets be sharp."
therapy.wav(186K) therapy.mp3(186K) therapy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Creative Smoker (Janeane Garofalo): "I have killed. I have helped kill. I have killed part of myself. I cannot change this. I... I must seek buddah. I must seek christ."
Thurgood: "You must seek therapy."
macgyver.wav(174K) macgyver.mp3(174K) macgyver.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
MacGyver Friend (Marc Cohen): "Hey man, we're out of papers man."
MacGyver Smoker (Stephen Baldwin): "Alright, then get me a toilet paper roll, a cork screw, and some tin foil."
MacGyver Friend: "We don't have a cork screw."
MacGyver Smoker: "Alright, then get me an avacado, an ice pick, and my snorkel. Trust me bro, I've made bongs with less. Hurry up."
corn_field.wav(37K) corn_field.mp3(37K) corn_field.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kenny: "Did you ever take all your clothes off and run backwards through a corn field?"
set_up.wav(27K) set_up.mp3(27K) set_up.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scarface: "Damn B, I've been set up."
coke.wav(44K) coke.mp3(44K) coke.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cocaine Addict (Bob Saget): "Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke."
have_you.wav(80K) have_you.mp3(80K) have_you.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cocaine Addict: "You ever sucked some dick for marijuana?"
Thurgood: "No, no I can't say that I have."
jungle.wav(97K) jungle.mp3(97K) jungle.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kenny: "Devil 666, the mark of the beast, NO, naughty, naughty jungle of love."
you_have.wav(21K) you_have.mp3(21K) you_have.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "You have smoked yourself retarded."
beach.wav(32K) beach.mp3(32K) beach.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "(as a jamacan) Right near the beach. BOYEE!"
moving.wav(159K) moving.mp3(159K) moving.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "Hey, seeing as how we don't know who you are and everything. Are you planning on moving out anytime soon."
The Guy on the Couch: "Thurgood, why don't you just focus on one thing at a time. I'll be fine. The robery is what's important now."
maui_wowie.wav(16K) maui_wowie.mp3(16K) maui_wowie.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "MAUI WOWIE!"
run_4_it.wav(27K) run_4_it.mp3(27K) run_4_it.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scarface: "Yo, I'm gonna make a run for it B."
nads.wav(25K) nads.mp3(25K) nads.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Brain: "MY NADS! Hoh hoh hoh!"
attention.wav(46K) attention.mp3(46K) attention.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Detective: "Are you paying attention?"
Brian: "No, I'm sorry."
girl.wav(18K) girl.mp3(18K) girl.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scarface: "Oh, damn girl, your titty."
sucks_to_be_u.wav(37K) sucks_to_be_u.mp3(37K) sucks_to_be_u.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Brian: "Huh huh huh, suck sot be you man!"
freeze.wav(35K) freeze.mp3(35K) freeze.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Detective: "Everybody freeze... nobody move!"
love_weed.wav(91K) love_weed.mp3(91K) love_weed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Thurgood: "But let me tell you something. I love weed. Ok, I LOVE IT! But, not as much as I love PUSSY!"