Movie Quotes - Movie Sounds - Movie Wavs



Grandma's Boy price at: amazon

All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).

galaga.wav(176K) galaga.mp3(176K) galaga.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Opening Credits: "(The music from Galaga in the opening titles of the movie)"

stophittingme.wav(150K) stophittingme.mp3(150K) stophittingme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Josh (Jonathan Loughran): "Bleep! Stop hitting me!"
Alex (Allen Covert): "This is like if Tyson fought an infant."
Josh: "I can't wait to punch you in the face while you're sleeping tonight. Get up! Get up!"
Alex: "Saved by the bell."

knockedyouout.wav(60K) knockedyouout.mp3(60K) knockedyouout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Josh: "Boom! Knocked you out! Eat it, whore!"

bongwaterreeks.wav(29K) bongwaterreeks.mp3(29K) bongwaterreeks.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Josh: "Oh! The bong water reeks."

cypresshill.wav(37K) cypresshill.mp3(37K) cypresshill.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Yuri (Rob Schneider): "This is bullbleep. It's like Cypress Hill concert in here."

youreahooker.wav(237K) youreahooker.mp3(237K) youreahooker.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Josh: "I love them so much."
Alex: "You love who?"
Josh: "The girls at Madame Kamay's Filipino Palace."
ALex: "You've been spending our rent money on Filipino hookers?"
Josh: "They're not hookers. They're masage therepists."
Mover #1 (Kevin Nash): "They'll massage your cock for money."
Mover #2 (Todd Holland): "There's a word for that. I think it's 'hooker'."
Josh: "You're a hooker!"

oneextraminute.wav(95K) oneextraminute.mp3(95K) oneextraminute.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Yuri: "And if you take one extra minute, I have my two friends, they take your testicles and remeve them through your anus."

creditcard.wav(73K) creditcard.mp3(73K) creditcard.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Josh: "I'm sorry, Alex. I-I should have told you."
Alex: "You can't whack it to internet porn like everyone else?"
Josh: "You know I don't have a credit card."

smokinglamp.wav(49K) smokinglamp.mp3(49K) smokinglamp.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Where's the bong?"
Yuri: "Alex, you forgot smoking lamp."

expensivepiece.wav(98K) expensivepiece.mp3(98K) expensivepiece.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Yuri: "You forgot smoking lamp. (He throws it at their feet and it breaks.) I'm sorry, was that expensive piece?"

christmastree.wav(124K) christmastree.mp3(124K) christmastree.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Don't you answe your phone? I've ben calling for half an hour."
Dante (Peter Dante): "Oh, I'm sorry. I was putting up my Christmas tree."
Alex: "Dude, it's July."
Dante: "Get the bleep out of here. It is?"
Alex: "Yeah."

whyareyounaked.wav(101K) whyareyounaked.mp3(101K) whyareyounaked.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Why are you naked?"
Dante: "Oh, my God. I am naked! Come on in!"
Alex: "Dude, your ass is tanner than my face."

insanity.wav(27K) insanity.mp3(27K) insanity.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "That is pure bleeping insanity"

withalion.wav(285K) withalion.mp3(285K) withalion.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "I was wondering if maybe I could crash here for awhile."
Dante: "Whoa. I don't know, man. I got a business to run. This is like my office as well as my home. Plus, the lion comes in a couple days."
Alex: "You're gettin a lion?"
Dante: "Yeah."
Alex: "Why?"
Dante: "To protect my bleep."
Alex: "Never heard of a dog?"
Dante: "Dude, you can get past a dog. Nobody bleeps with a lion."
Alex: "Yeah, that's true."

gettingalion.wav(58K) gettingalion.mp3(58K) gettingalion.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "You're gettin a lion?"
Dante: "Yeah."
Alex: "Why?"
Dante: "To protect my bleep."

kindofweed.wav(179K) kindofweed.mp3(179K) kindofweed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "So what kind of weed do you want? I got the Incredible Hulk, I got some of the green monster, I got the bling."
Alex: "Hey! We go through this every time I come here. I don't care what it's called. I just want a bag of bleeping weed."
Dante: "Whoa. Chill, bro. You know you can't raise your voice like that when the lion's here."

myroommates.wav(138K) myroommates.mp3(138K) myroommates.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "You sure this is okay?"
Jeff (Nick Swardson): "Yeah. It's totally cool. Just keep your voice down. My roommates are sleeping."
Alex: "You mean your parents?"
Jeff: "Yeah, same thing."
Alex: "Nice jammies."
Jeff: "Thanks. They're a present from my roommates."

supposedtosleep.wav(265K) supposedtosleep.mp3(265K) supposedtosleep.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Um, where am I supposed to sleep?"
Jeff: "On the air mattress. Do you need a stuffed animal? I have a dog. I think I have a bear. Yeah, I have a bear."
Alex: "What are you eight?"
Jeff: "At least I have my own bed."
Alex: "Your bed in a car."
Jeff: "Yeah, but it's a bleeping sweet car."
Alex: "My roomates said they are gonna get me rims for Christmas. Or a C.B. radio. I cain talk to other car beds. That'll be hot."

sweetcar.wav(54K) sweetcar.mp3(54K) sweetcar.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Your bed in a car."
Jeff: "Yeah, but it's a bleeping sweet car."

onmymom.wav(27K) onmymom.mp3(27K) onmymom.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "I can't believe you came on my mom."

ilovemyturtle.wav(156K) ilovemyturtle.mp3(156K) ilovemyturtle.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "You might be the biggest perv in the world right now. What were you thinking?"
Alex: "I couldn't sleep. I saw the doll."
Jeff: "So you can't wake me up to play video games or something?"
Alex: "I didn't want to disturb you. You were balls deep in that turtle with a thumb in your mouth."
Jeff: "I love my turtle."

dollisawhore.wav(25K) dollisawhore.mp3(25K) dollisawhore.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "Oh, my doll is a whore."

brushyourteeth.wav(21K) brushyourteeth.mp3(21K) brushyourteeth.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samantha (Linda Cardellini): "Brush your teeth. I'll see you later."

whoisjohnny.wav(53K) whoisjohnny.mp3(53K) whoisjohnny.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Johnny? Who the bleep is Johnny?"

namaste.wav(13K) namaste.mp3(13K) namaste.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mr. Cheezle (Kevin Nealon): "Namaste, you guys."

wizzeak.wav(28K) wizzeak.mp3(28K) wizzeak.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "Your bleep's weak! Wizzeak!"

weak.wav(17K) weak.mp3(17K) weak.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "Bleep's weak!"

turdnuggets.wav(88K) turdnuggets.mp3(88K) turdnuggets.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

J.P. (Joel David Moore): "(Immitating a robot and machine gun) Adios, turd nuggets."

onyourcouch.wav(95K) onyourcouch.mp3(95K) onyourcouch.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Hey, Timmy, any chance I can crash on your couch tonight?"
Timmy (Evan Paley): "Why? So you can jerk off on my mom?"
Alex: "Jeff's a bleeping liar, Timmy."

haveagoodday.wav(67K) haveagoodday.mp3(67K) haveagoodday.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mrs. K (Katherine Ann McGregor): "Hi, honey."
Jeff: "Hi, mommie."
Mrs. K: "Did you have a good day?"
Jeff: "I did. Did you remember to TiVo Samurai Jack?"
Mrs. K: "I did."

denial.wav(135K) denial.mp3(135K) denial.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Grace (Shirley Jones): "Do you have a girlfriend?"
Alex: "No."
Grace: "How old are you?"
Alex: "I'll be 36 in October."
Grace: "My grandson's gay too. I'll give you his number."
Alex: "I'm not gay, but thank you."
Grace: "Denial."

yournewroom.wav(166K) yournewroom.mp3(166K) yournewroom.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Grandma Lilly (Doris Roberts): "Here's your new room, baby."
Alex: "Wow, Grandma, this is nice."
Grandma Lilly: "Oh, good."
Alex: "Hey, uh, Sophie didn't die in the bed, did she?"
Grandma Lilly: "Oh, no."
Alex: "Good, good, good."
Grandma Lilly: "No. She fell out of bed and died right here."
Alex: "Ew!"

dontcurse.wav(216K) dontcurse.mp3(216K) dontcurse.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "What the hell are you doing, Grandma?"
Grandma Lilly: "Well, I told you we were going to have fun."
Alex: "Yeah."
Grandma Lilly: "Sweetie?"
Alex: "Uh-huh?"
Grandma Lilly: "Don't curse. You're better than that."
Alex: "Okay. Bleep! That's bleeping crazy."

whatshappening.wav(285K) whatshappening.mp3(285K) whatshappening.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "(Grandfather clock chiming) Oh, god, what is happining? What the-- What? Come on. Stop that! Why are you doing this to me?! (Chiming stops) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

thelevels.wav(218K) thelevels.mp3(218K) thelevels.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samantha: "Kane, you are gonna take 1 through 3."
Kane (Kelvin Yu): "Whatever you need, Samantha."
Samantha: "Barry, you'll cover 4 through 6."
Barry (Jonah Hill): "Yeah, I can do that. No problem. You're great."
Samantha: "Jeff, you're already working on 7 through 9, so why don't you just stick with those."
Jeff: "Let's do it. The levels, I mean. Not sex. Sorry."

ontopofme.wav(21K) ontopofme.mp3(21K) ontopofme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

J.P.: "(Immitating robot) Please get on top of me."

goodorbadguy.wav(124K) goodorbadguy.mp3(124K) goodorbadguy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Grandma Lilly: "Is this a good or a bad guy?"
Alex: "Uh, that's a bad guy. He's a drug dealer. Kill him."
Grandma Lilly: "Oh. Oh, I hate violence. But, oh, drugs are bad. Whoa."
Alex: "Ooh, nice death spike."

isntthatpretty.wav(144K) isntthatpretty.mp3(144K) isntthatpretty.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Okay, now go in here and use your lightning to blow up those barrels."
Grandma Lilly: "Ooh! Oh, isn't that pretty?"
Alex: "Yeah."
Grandma Lilly: "Oh, this is fun."
Alex: "Hey, wow, you got to a checkpoint."
Grandma Lilly: "Is that good?"
Alex: "Yeah."

dirtydopers.wav(148K) dirtydopers.mp3(148K) dirtydopers.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Well, so that's my game. And, uh, you know what, I have a little more work to do, so if you wanna just--"
Grandma Lilly: "Uh-uh. Wait your turn. I'm on a roll here. Ooh. Take that you dirty dopers."

becareful.wav(257K) becareful.mp3(257K) becareful.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "So, uh, how do you two know each other?"
Dante: "I met the doctor at a cockfight in Pomona. He's hooking me up with the lion. It comes tomorrow."
Alex: "Great."
Dante: "Plus, he brought over some crazy Zimbabwean weed that'll turn you into a deer."
Alex: "You know that lions eat deer, right?"
Dante: "That's true, kd. Doctor, we got to be careful."

eatyoutoo.wav(144K) eatyoutoo.mp3(144K) eatyoutoo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Finally, a roomate who geos shopping. Chicken cutlet. Spaghetti with garlic bread. Oh, my God, the wings to go with the breast. I don't know what you are, but I'm gonna bleeping eat you too."

microwave.wav(33K) microwave.mp3(33K) microwave.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Of course she doesn't have a microwave. She's bleeping a hundred."

dinnertime.wav(116K) dinnertime.mp3(116K) dinnertime.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Ooh, dinnertime. Oh, bleeping bitch, cock-sucking-bleeper-ass-bleep! Oh! Bleepdamn it!"

dickonfire.wav(27K) dickonfire.mp3(27K) dickonfire.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "(Seeing Alex's hands all bandaged up) Let me guess. Was your dick on fire?"

shatteredit.wav(18K) shatteredit.mp3(18K) shatteredit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Barry: "I think he bleeping shattered it."

yourewierd.wav(15K) yourewierd.mp3(15K) yourewierd.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "You're bleeping wierd."

cookingchannel.wav(144K) cookingchannel.mp3(144K) cookingchannel.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "You like that cooking channel, huh, Grandma?"
Grandma Lilly: "Well, it's all food, all day. That's all they do, is they make food."
Bea (Shirley Knight): "I wanna eat the TV."
Grace: "Thanks a lot, Alex. Maybe tomorrow you can introduce them to Heroin."

fruitcupnice.wav(50K) fruitcupnice.mp3(50K) fruitcupnice.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "Fruit cup? Nice. Way to go, Mom."

soyouredumb.wav(140K) soyouredumb.mp3(140K) soyouredumb.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bobby (Scott Halberstadt): "I'm challenging you, Jeff."
Jeff: "To what game?"
Bobby: "A little 'Dance Dance Revolution.'"
Jeff: "That's great, Bobby but we don't have 'Dance Dance Revolution,' so you're dumb."

newhighscore.wav(129K) newhighscore.mp3(129K) newhighscore.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "(After being challenged to a game) That game is fun! Oh, my god! (The game says 'A new high score') What does 'high score' mean? New high score. Is that bad? What does that mean? Did I break it?"

afraidofit.wav(191K) afraidofit.mp3(191K) afraidofit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

J.P.: "You didn't knock, Kane."
Kane: "I did. But I think that the music was a little loud."
J.P.: "Are you afraid of it?"
Kane: "No. I-I just don't like techno."
J.P.: "You wousd if you had robot ears."
Kane: "Yeah, I guess."

greatidea.wav(55K) greatidea.mp3(55K) greatidea.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samantha: "That... is a great idea."
J.P.: "Those are the only kind I have."

isuck.wav(112K) isuck.mp3(112K) isuck.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "What did wierdo say about the elves?"
Kane: "Shot it down."
Jeff: "What? Really? That was a good idea."
Kane: "No it wasn't. I'm a piece of bleep. I suck."
Jeff: "Relax, Kane. You're not a piece of bleep."

delivery.wav(107K) delivery.mp3(107K) delivery.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "Hello?"
Receptionist (Natalie Walk): "Delivery at the front desk for you, Alex."
Jeff: "Cool! I hope it's a naked dude with a boner."
Receptionist: "What?"
Jeff: "Nothing. Send it back."

gnarly.wav(27K) gnarly.mp3(27K) gnarly.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Barry: "Oh, that is so gnarly!"

kingofthejungle.wav(268K) kingofthejungle.mp3(268K) kingofthejungle.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Pamela Mills (Shana Hiatt): "Pamela Mills here in Van Nuys where a rare breed of African lion was captured in a residential neighborhood. Sir, what was going through your head when you came upon the lion?"
Dante: "This bleep is bleepin' crazy. I don't even know how a lion got into the neighborhood. I heard some growlin' and bleep out in the yard. So my roomate and I, we go out to check the bleep out. I look up in the tree, and there's the bleeping king of the jungle!"

calledthe50.wav(68K) calledthe50.mp3(68K) calledthe50.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "It was starin' right at me. I almost bleep my bleepin' pants. So I ran inside and called the 5-0."

letsrage.wav(22K) letsrage.mp3(22K) letsrage.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "Yeah, let's bleepin' rage!"

soberandvomit.wav(110K) soberandvomit.mp3(110K) soberandvomit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Barry: "No alcohol? This place sucks!"
Shiloh (David Spade): "Hey, fella. Give it a chance. We do serve shots... of wheatgrass."
Jeff: "That's cool, if you wanna besober and vomit."

greaseorfat.wav(122K) greaseorfat.mp3(122K) greaseorfat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Shiloh: "Guys, come on. I know the food's a little different here, but it's actually good and good for you. We don't serve it with any grease or fat."
Alex: "If we pay extra, could we maybe get some grease or fat?"

makefunofvegans.wav(274K) makefunofvegans.mp3(274K) makefunofvegans.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "Do you have bathrooms here or do I have to bleep in a plant."
Shiloh: "Stupid bleeping idiot, red-shirted ass. You guys think you're so bleeping cool. Makes me sick! Let's go make fun of the vegans and their crazy lifestyle. We're not hurting anyone. Go eat a hamburger and choke on a cow dick."
Alex: "Aw. Someone missed their yoga class this morning."

inaplant.wav(24K) inaplant.mp3(24K) inaplant.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "Do you have bathrooms here or do I have to bleep in a plant."

red-shirted.wav(39K) red-shirted.mp3(39K) red-shirted.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Shiloh: "Stupid bleeping idiot, red-shirted ass."

makesmesick.wav(42K) makesmesick.mp3(42K) makesmesick.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Shiloh: "You guys think you're so bleeping cool. Makes me sick!"

cowdick.wav(29K) cowdick.mp3(29K) cowdick.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Shiloh: "Go eat a hamburger and choke on a cow dick."

nicekarma.wav(53K) nicekarma.mp3(53K) nicekarma.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "Nice karma, Guyblow."
Shiloh: "You said it wrong, stupid. It's Shiloh."

hairgrowing.wav(37K) hairgrowing.mp3(37K) hairgrowing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Grandma Lilly: "I can hear my hair growing."

drankallmypot.wav(91K) drankallmypot.mp3(91K) drankallmypot.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "My grandma drank all my pot."
Jeff: "That is great. I'm just saying it's cool. I mean, how many people get to say that in their lifetime?"

notroublebro.wav(62K) notroublebro.mp3(62K) notroublebro.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "There's no trouble, bro. They're people, just like you and me. Now hit this joint and have some fun."

whatsuphomie.wav(20K) whatsuphomie.mp3(20K) whatsuphomie.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Grandma Lilly: "What's up, homie?"

mygirlfriend.wav(160K) mygirlfriend.mp3(160K) mygirlfriend.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Barry: "Hey, Dante. Uh, my girlfriend and I caught you on the news yesterday."
Dante: "Really?"
Barry: "Yeah."
Dante: "By 'girlfriend,' do you mean that piece of fur you rub on your dick every night?"
Barry: "(Laughing) Yeah. Yeah."

karatemonkey.wav(181K) karatemonkey.mp3(181K) karatemonkey.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Kane: "Hey, man. Lookin' back, maybe that lion was a bad idea."
Dante: "That's why Dr. Shakalu's hookin' me up with a monkey. I'm gonna teach it tae kwon do."
Dr. Shakalu (Abdoulaye N'Gom): "(Speaking French)"
Barry: "Yeah, a... karate monkey. You know, that's-- that's probably safer."
Kane: "Yeah, it makes sense."

likearobot.wav(82K) likearobot.mp3(82K) likearobot.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samantha: "Ew! It's J.P.'s phone number."
Alex: "Lucky you."
Samantha: "You guy's heard him talk like a robot?"
Jeff: "(Robot voice) He's a bleeping psycho."

babylovesmilk.wav(53K) babylovesmilk.mp3(53K) babylovesmilk.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milk Maid (Heidi Hawking): "Baby want some milk?"
Barry: "Baby loves milk."

suckthosejugs.wav(30K) suckthosejugs.mp3(30K) suckthosejugs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "Yeah, suck those jugs, kid!"

icecreamsandwich.wav(40K) icecreamsandwich.mp3(40K) icecreamsandwich.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Grandma Lilly: "You want an ice cream sandwich? They're on whole wheat with lettuce."

whatsitlike.wav(265K) whatsitlike.mp3(265K) whatsitlike.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "So, I mean, what's it like being old? It's gotta be wierd, right? I mean, you saw a lot of stuff go down: World War I, World War II, the automobile, Tupac. I mean--"
Grace: "I once gave Charlie Chaplin a hand job."
Jeff: "No way! Was he silent?"
Grace: "Not after I was done with him."

mybeefstorng.wav(40K) mybeefstorng.mp3(40K) mybeefstorng.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dr. Shakalu: "My beef (sniffs) strong."

push-it.wav(329K) push-it.mp3(329K) push-it.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samantha: "(Singing Salt-N-Pepa's 'Push It' then she passes out)"
Alex: "I bleeping love this girl!"

lovethisgirl.wav(34K) lovethisgirl.mp3(34K) lovethisgirl.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "I bleeping love this girl!"

hadaproblem.wav(86K) hadaproblem.mp3(86K) hadaproblem.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "You would have loved my grandfather. He was the coolest. He would have had a beer or two with us last light."
Grandma Lilly: "He would have had twenty. No, he had a problem."

youweremyfirst.wav(245K) youweremyfirst.mp3(245K) youweremyfirst.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "Grace, I have a confession to make. Uh, you... were my first."
Grace: "Really? Oh, that's sweet. Let's see. You were my uh... I don't know, 3,000 something."

mynameisjp.wav(52K) mynameisjp.mp3(52K) mynameisjp.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "Give me the phone. My name is J.P. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot vagina."

pioneer.wav(121K) pioneer.mp3(121K) pioneer.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Kane: "Do you think that she invented the hand job?"
Jeff: "Ooh. No, I don't. But she did say she started the finger in the ass during a blow job. Yeah. She was a pioneer."

onhisfirstbooby.wav(97K) onhisfirstbooby.mp3(97K) onhisfirstbooby.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "Uh, the big news from the party, ladies and gentlemen, Barry sucked on his first booby."
Barry: "For thirteen hours. (Applause)"

mystd.wav(78K) mystd.mp3(78K) mystd.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jeff: "So, who wants to hear about my S.T.D. from the silent film era? Yeah, hands up. This chick's pussy smelled like the Great Depressios."

youdoinhere.wav(15K) youdoinhere.mp3(15K) youdoinhere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "The bleep are you doin' here?"

yourealegend.wav(19K) yourealegend.mp3(19K) yourealegend.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "You're a bleepin' legend, man."

mrleeho.wav(139K) mrleeho.mp3(139K) mrleeho.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "This guy's not gonna rip my heart out of my chest and show it to me, is he?"
Dante: "No. This is Mr. Lee Ho. He's teaching me and Monkey tae kwon do. I got my yellow belt today. Monkey got his red belt. He's a quick learner."

themonkeynow.wav(40K) themonkeynow.mp3(40K) themonkeynow.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Where's the monkey now?"
Dante: "He's upstairs putting his nunchackus away."

drinkherfaceoff.wav(59K) drinkherfaceoff.mp3(59K) drinkherfaceoff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "Yo, that party was off the hook, kid. Your girl can drink her bleepin' face off."

igotcompanydude.wav(53K) igotcompanydude.mp3(53K) igotcompanydude.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "Shut up, Monkey. I got company, dude."

fullonchinese.wav(59K) fullonchinese.mp3(59K) fullonchinese.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "Lee Ho's the real deal. He's full-on Chinese."
Alex: "Yeah, I can see that."

robothead.wav(44K) robothead.mp3(44K) robothead.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Dude, I will come over there and kick your robot head right off of that skinny bleepin' body."

cloudingtheenergy.wav(28K) cloudingtheenergy.mp3(28K) cloudingtheenergy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mr. Cheezle: "You're really clouding the energy in this room right now."

iquit.wav(134K) iquit.mp3(134K) iquit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mr. Cheezle: "Okay, now your energy is really scaring me."
Alex: "You know what? Bleep energy! Bleep J.P! Bleep Brainasium! Bleep all of you! I quit!"
Samantha: "Wait! Alex--"
Mr. Cheezle: "Let him go. Let him go. Let him find his center and realign his chi."

scaringme.wav(29K) scaringme.mp3(29K) scaringme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mr. Cheezle: "Okay, now your energy is really scaring me."

intoonejoint.wav(207K) intoonejoint.mp3(207K) intoonejoint.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "I want you to take the Frankenstein bleep, the deer bleep, the green monster, the bling and the bling-bling and I want you to roll it all into one joint."
Dante: "No one's ever been brave enough to try that."
Alex: "One man is. Roll it."
Dante: "I'll smoke it with you, bro. We'll go to the loony bin together. I don't give a bleep."

loonybintogether.wav(49K) loonybintogether.mp3(49K) loonybintogether.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "I'll smoke it with you, bro. We'll go to the loony bin together. I don't give a bleep."

zombies.wav(172K) zombies.mp3(172K) zombies.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samantha: "It's just that there was an argument at work over this video game, and--"
Grandma Lilly: "Alex's game, 'Demonic'?"
Samantha: "Yeah. Do you know it?"
Grandma Lilly: "Of course. I love it. I'm almost at the final checking point except I have to deal with those zombies. They keep biting my neck."

discoverychannel.wav(87K) discoverychannel.mp3(87K) discoverychannel.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "I'm videotapin' this for scientific research. This bleep will be on the Discovery Channel."

dontjudgeme.wav(18K) dontjudgeme.mp3(18K) dontjudgeme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "Don't judge me, Monkey."

startedafightclub.wav(44K) startedafightclub.mp3(44K) startedafightclub.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Grace: "Why are you so sweaty?"
Jeff: "Oh, I started a fight club."

yougotskills.wav(21K) yougotskills.mp3(21K) yougotskills.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "You got skills."

haveatumor.wav(113K) haveatumor.mp3(113K) haveatumor.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "(Phone ringing) What is that ringing? Do I have a tumor?"

itsthedevil.wav(73K) itsthedevil.mp3(73K) itsthedevil.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "Hello?"
Jeff: "Hey, Dante. Is Alex there?"
Dante: "Hold on. Phone's for you. I think it's the devil."

bakedareyou.wav(382K) bakedareyou.mp3(382K) bakedareyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "Phone's for you. I think it's the devil."
Alex: "Hello?"
Jeff: "Hey, Alex. You gotta come back to work."
Alex: "I quit there bleepin' months ago, man."
Jeff: "How baked are you right now?"
Alex: "Who is this? (Laughing) Is this Marv Albert?"
Jeff: "God, you're torched. Um, okay, look. There is an emergency. J.P. revealed himself to be an actual robot and he kidnapped your grandma, and he's gonna eat her soul out of her head."
Alex: "My grandmother's in trouble? I'll be right there."

howmuchtime.wav(86K) howmuchtime.mp3(86K) howmuchtime.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Grace: "How much time do we have?"
Jeff: "Enough time to 69."
Grace: "Oh, just like Don Knotts."
Jeff: "Oh, hello Mayberry."

thedevilshouse.wav(56K) thedevilshouse.mp3(56K) thedevilshouse.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alex: "You gotta give me a ride."
Dante: "I'm way too baked to drive to the devil's house."

dirivemonkeydrive.wav(83K) dirivemonkeydrive.mp3(83K) dirivemonkeydrive.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "Drive Monkey, drive!"

iwilltasteyourflesh.wav(33K) iwilltasteyourflesh.mp3(33K) iwilltasteyourflesh.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Video Game: "I will taste your flesh!"

getyourweed.wav(332K) getyourweed.mp3(332K) getyourweed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mr. Cheezle: "You know, I had a dream last night. I was a snake slithering through the grass until I came upon a dead elk. And I climbed... into his soul. And it's there I stayed until morning. Which meant that I will... underestimate someone very close to me."
Dante: "Wow! Where do you get your weed?"
Mr. Cheezle: "From you, Dante."
Dante: "Oh, yeah! What's up, Mr. Cheezle?"

brownbomber.wav(195K) brownbomber.mp3(195K) brownbomber.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dante: "Hold up, yo. I've been savin' this weed for a special occasion."
Samantha: "What kind is this?"
Dante: "This one's called the brown bomber 'cause when you smoke it, you get so stoned you bleep your pants!"
Jeff: "I'm not- I don't wanna do that."
Barry: "Uh, yeah. I already bleep my pants this month, so I'm good."

theelephant.wav(261K) theelephant.mp3(261K) theelephant.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Zane: "(Loud thud) Uh, what the bleep was that?"
Dante: "That's a present Dr. Shakalu and I got for Alex."
Dr. Shakalu: "(Clicks his tongue and laughs)"
Alex: "(Loud thud) Dude, a bag of weed would have been fine. (Elephant trumpets)"
Dante: "Yeah, Monkey! Karate chop the elephant!"

grandmasboyee.wav(2673K) grandmasboyee.mp3(2673K) grandmasboyee.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Kool Keith & Kutmasta Kurt: "('Grandma's Boyee' written by Kurt Matlin & Keith Thorton performed by Kool Keith & Kutmasta Kurt Courtesy of Funky Ass Records from the cridits)"

All sounds on the or linked from retain their original copyright as owned by their respective movie production companies. All sound files are for educational, research, criticism, or review for movie purchase purposes. holds no liability from misuse of these sound files. Some of the sound files contained on may not be suitable for young children.