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Pete Moore (Timothy Olyphant): "Promised Land? Never heard of it."
Jim "Beaver" Claredon (Jason Lee): "Meg Ryan and uh whats his name? Reefer Sutherland..."
The Guys: "Keefer!"
Beaver: "...from I don't know 1988 or something. So, Meg Ryan wakes up in the morning and says "Where's the cat?" and he says "What cat?" and she says "The cat that bleep in my mouth."."

Beaver: "This is our twentieth year coming out here to Hole in the Wall, and bleep me Freddy, here's to twenty more."

Young Beaver (Reese Thomson): "jesos christ bananas!"

Beaver: "jesos christ bananas, Some bleeparow this is turning into."

Rick McCarthy (Eric Keenleyside): "(Burps)"
Beaver: "Bitch an a buzzsaw, I've heard some mighty burps in my time but, that's the blue ribbon baby."

Beaver: "What have you been eating, woodchuck turds?"

: "bleep me Freddy, gimmie some air!"
Professor Gary "Jonsey" Jones (Damian Lewis): "We got any gas mosks handy? We need a biohazard team in here."

Beaver: "You don't suppose he got exposed to radiation do you? I saw that once in a movie; The guy endend up bald as Telly What's His bleep."

Beaver: "Criminettlies!"

Pete: "I ought to warn you. We get up there, I'm gonna strangle this broad."
Dr. Henry "H" Devlin (Thomas Jane): "If I had to guess, I,d say she's already dead."
Pete: "I don't care; I'll strangle her anyway. She almost got us both killed."

Beaver: "bleep me Freddy."

Beaver: "Man, where are they all going?"
Jonsey: "It's not where there going that worries me, it's what there running away from."

Beaver: "I'm telling you Jonsey, I don't like this."
Jonsey: "Me neither."
Beawer: "I don't like this at all. This is turning into a double bleeparow. A real jobba-nobba."

Beaver: "Earth to Jonsey, come in Jonsey."

Jonsey: "What do you want?"

Pete: "That's a good idea. catch a little shuteye. Save your energy for those horrendous farts!"

Pete: "I should be singing his praises, not questioning what galaxy he's... I gotta pea."

Henry: "Jonsey, way to go motherbleeper! Here you came to save the day. Mighty Mouse is on the way!"

Pete: "Motherbleeper tried to bite my dick off Jonsey."

Mr. Gray: "My my, that is a gift."

Mr. Gray: "Shows over out there buddy."

Mr. Gray: "Think about letting me in. It's the polite thing to do."

Pete: "Bite my bag motherbleeper!"

Douglas "Duddits" Cavell (Donnie Wahlberg): "Hello, Ister Gay."

Duddits: "Ooby-Ooby-Doo, we got some work to do now."

Duddits: "Ister Gay, go away."

Duddits: "I Duddits!"