Movie Quotes - Movie Sounds - Movie Wavs



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All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 22Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).

myblood.wav(118K) myblood.mp3(55K) myblood.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Hector (Nick Swardson): "Jimmy! I sent you a cup of my blood! Did you get my blood? Jimmy!"

smelllikaawinner.wav(44K) smelllikaawinner.mp3(21K) smelllikaawinner.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Hector: "Oh! You smell like a winner!"

yourroutine.wav(480K) yourroutine.mp3(218K) yourroutine.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz Michael Michaels (Will Ferrell): "Hey, MacElroy. Was that your routine? Or a performance of Cirque du So-lame? Besides, you're too late. They already handed out the girls medals this morning."
Jimmy MacElroy(Jon Heder): "Shut up, Michaels. That was textbook execution. Same scores I beat you with in Oslo."
Chazz: "Hey, I was on quaaludes. I don't even remember Oslo. But I remember Boston, and that victory was as sweet as the cream pie for which the town was named."

cirquedusolame.wav(125K) cirquedusolame.mp3(57K) cirquedusolame.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz Michael Michaels (Will Ferrell): "Hey, MacElroy. Was that your routine? Or a performance of Cirque du So-lame?"

rememberoslo.wav(139K) rememberoslo.mp3(64K) rememberoslo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy MacElroy(Jon Heder): "That was textbook execution. Same scores I beat you with in Oslo."
Chazz: "Hey, I was on quaaludes. I don't even remember Oslo."

creampie.wav(172K) creampie.mp3(79K) creampie.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Hey, I was on quaaludes. I don't even remember Oslo. But I remember Boston, and that victory was as sweet as the cream pie for which the town was named."

sexonice.wav(107K) sexonice.mp3(49K) sexonice.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim Lampley: "Surfing a tsunami of swagger right now."
Scott Hamilton: "Well, you know, he is sex on ice."

diaperbags.wav(229K) diaperbags.mp3(105K) diaperbags.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Before a big competition, I like to work with leather. The Native Americans always said that working with hides and pelts releases the soul. These are a couple of diaper bags I made for Faith Hill."

clothingoptional.wav(63K) clothingoptional.mp3(29K) clothingoptional.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Personal philosophy: clothing optional."

onmybackthere.wav(167K) onmybackthere.mp3(77K) onmybackthere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "As for friends and family, Chazz Michael Michaels walks alone. That's why they call me the Lone Wolf, on my back there."

inyoursleep.wav(257K) inyoursleep.mp3(117K) inyoursleep.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Scott Hamilton: "Well, Stranz and Fairchild, how heavy is that gold around your necks?"
Fairchild Van Waldenberg (Amy Poehler): "Scott, this may be solid gold but to us, it's lighter than air because dreams never weigh you down."
Stranz Van Waldenberg (Will Arnett): "No. Dreams are in your sleep."

tacomeat.wav(98K) tacomeat.mp3(45K) tacomeat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "Gosh, I'm getting sick. You smell like aftershave and taco meat."
Chazz: "Yes, I do."

officialhere.wav(88K) officialhere.mp3(41K) officialhere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "You an official here? 'Cause you have officially given me a boner."

youdrunk.wav(94K) youdrunk.mp3(43K) youdrunk.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Manager of Grublets on Ice: "You drunk?"
Chazz: "No. But this ought to do it."

smelllikeurine.wav(46K) smelllikeurine.mp3(22K) smelllikeurine.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Manager of Grublets on Ice: "You smell like urine."
Chazz: "A lot?"

restrainingorder.wav(142K) restrainingorder.mp3(65K) restrainingorder.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "What are you doing here? You know I have a restraining order against you."
Hector: "Oh that thing."

looksogood.wav(326K) looksogood.mp3(148K) looksogood.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Hector: "You look great, Jimmy. You look amazing. Your hair rocks."
Jimmy: "Thanks."
Hector: "You look so good. Oh, my gosh. Do you look at yourself? I totally wanna cut of your skin and wear it to my birthday. It's coming up."

skatingagain.wav(108K) skatingagain.mp3(50K) skatingagain.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Hector: "You gotta start skating again, Jimmy."
Jimmy: "What?"
Hector: "It's embarrassing stalking a has-been, you know what I mean?"

coldgunsoup.wav(212K) coldgunsoup.mp3(97K) coldgunsoup.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Hector: "Look, I almost gave up on you. I started working with that Ukrainian skater, you know the one that looks like Elvis? And I moved to the Ukraine and it was cold and everyone had guns and smelled like soup."

killyousomeday.wav(52K) killyousomeday.mp3(24K) killyousomeday.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Hector: "Oh! And I'm still gonna kill you someday."

mydreams.wav(333K) mydreams.mp3(152K) mydreams.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "Michaels."
Chazz: "MacElroy."
Jimmy: "I see you got fat."
Chazz: "I see you still look like a 15-year-old girl but not hot."
Jimmy: "You crushed my dreams."
Chazz: "Dreams? Bleep, I haven't had one of those in years."
Jimmy: "Zip it, Chazz. Zip it or I will punch you in your crap lousy face."
Chazz: "Hey, this ends tonight."
Jimmy: "It's daynitime, you douche."

satisfied.wav(189K) satisfied.mp3(86K) satisfied.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Coach (Craig T. Nelson): "What's so funny, Cool Whip? You getting a lot of satisfaction from those $15 hookers?"
Chazz: "I'm never satisfied. It's a curse."

holditallday.wav(303K) holditallday.mp3(138K) holditallday.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "No way. This guy could not hold my jock sweat."
Jimmy: "I could hold it all day long. Try me."
Chazz: "Maybe I will."
Jimmy: "Maybe you should."
Chazz: "You challenging me, Princess?"
Jimmy: "I'm not inviting you to the Skating Federation's Annual Christmas Party."
Chazz: "Then bring it on!"
Jimmy: "It is on!"
Coach: "Good. We're in agreement then."
Chazz: "What?"
Jimmy: "What?"

beenupto.wav(264K) beenupto.mp3(120K) beenupto.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Reporter at Sign Ups: "So, let me ask you, any thoughts on the competition? And what does a new gold medal mean for you?"
Fairchild: "It doesn't mean as much as winning America's hearts. That's very important to us."
Reporter at Sign Ups: "Now, we haven't seen you in about three and a half years. What have you been up to?"
Stranz: "Skating."

mindbottling.wav(180K) mindbottling.mp3(83K) mindbottling.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Mind bottling, isn't it?"
Jimmy: "Did you just say 'mind bottling?'"
Chazz: "Yeah, mind bottling. You know, when things are so crazy, it gets your thoughts all trapped, like in a bottle."

berber.wav(386K) berber.mp3(175K) berber.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Coach: "And if you're at all interested in self-preservation, you take off your shoes before you set foot on the Berber."
Chazz: "Why would we step in baby food?"
Jimmy: "He's talking about the carpet. Berber?"
Chazz: "What are you, the rug doctor?"
Jimmy: "Maybe I am."
Chazz: "I'm the rug master."
Jimmy: "What does that even mean?"
Coach: "Just shut up and take off your damn shoes."

nightvision.wav(265K) nightvision.mp3(121K) nightvision.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Bunk beds?"
Jimmy: "I don't share rooms."
Chazz: "I don't share bleep. The night is a very dark time for me."
Jimmy: "It's dark for everyone, moron."
Chazz: "Not for Alaskans or dudes with night vision goggles."

youguysareateam.wav(313K) youguysareateam.mp3(143K) youguysareateam.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Coach: "Alright, this is gonna stop right now. From here on out, you guys are a team. Do you understand? You're going to eat together, sleep together. You are going to pee together. You're gonna file a joint income tax return. Practice starts now. End of discussion."

horseshampoo.wav(349K) horseshampoo.mp3(159K) horseshampoo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "Mane n' Tail. Is this horse shampoo?"
Chazz: "Yes, it is."
Jimmy: "Do you use this stuff on your hair?"
Chazz: "Uh-huh."
Jimmy: "'For a lustrous coat.' Does this actually work?"
Chazz: "You bet your ass it does. It makes my hair shine like Orion's belt out on the ice."

coolbrush.wav(943K) coolbrush.mp3(429K) coolbrush.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "And then I brush my hair a hundred times with this."
Jimmy: "Cool brush."
Chazz: "Not just a brush but a Verticoli. Handmade in Italy. They carve it out of illegal whalebone. They only make eleven of them a year. This one cost me $12,000 or 30 million lira. Perfectly balanced, low drag, minimal torque."
Jimmy: "How minimal?"
Chazz: "I bet you'd like to know. Hey, help yourself to the Main n' Tail all you want, but don't even look at the the Verticoli. 'Cause I will knock your block off. No exaggeration, I could not love a baby as much as I love this brush."

icalltop.wav(243K) icalltop.mp3(111K) icalltop.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "I call top."
Chazz: "Sorry, I already called it in my head."
Jimmy: "What? No, you can't do that. That doesn't count."
Chazz: "Yes, it does. Get used to it, Jimmy. You're in Chazz's world now."

shotgun.wav(77K) shotgun.mp3(36K) shotgun.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "You know what? I permanently called shotgun."
Jimmy: "You do not get shotgun every time."

zambonied.wav(56K) zambonied.mp3(26K) zambonied.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "This ice has not been properly Zambonied."

breakeverybone.wav(332K) breakeverybone.mp3(152K) breakeverybone.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Coach: "The dance lift, the press lift, the twist lift, the side-by-side jump, the throw jump. All of these are weapons in the pairs skaters' arsenal. And used properly, they can slay your opponent. Used improperly, you can break every bone in your body."

handontop.wav(181K) handontop.mp3(83K) handontop.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "You know, what, dude, your hand has to be on top."
Jimmy: "No way. The girl's goes on top."
Chazz: "Yeah. Ergo, chick."
Jimmy: "I'm not the girl. I'm stronger."
Chazz: "No, I'm stronger and don't have a vagina."

ladyhump.wav(469K) ladyhump.mp3(213K) ladyhump.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "We're gonna skate to one song, one song only. Lady Hump by the Black Eyed Peas. What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside my trunk. I'm gonna get you, get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady hump. My hump, my hump, my lovely lady lady hump."
Jimmy: "I'm not skating to anything that references to lady humps. I don't even know what that means."
Chazz: "No one know what it means, but it's provocative."

ladyhump2.wav(224K) ladyhump2.mp3(102K) ladyhump2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside my trunk. I'm gonna get you, get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady hump. My hump, my hump, my lovely lady lady hump."

whatthatmeans.wav(87K) whatthatmeans.mp3(40K) whatthatmeans.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "I don't even know what that means."
Chazz: "No one know what it means, but it's provocative."

provocative.wav(61K) provocative.mp3(28K) provocative.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "No one know what it means, but it's provocative."

youdidntsee.wav(108K) youdidntsee.mp3(50K) youdidntsee.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "(scarfing down a biscuit) You didn't see bleep!"

somechicken.wav(321K) somechicken.mp3(15K) somechicken.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "(still chewing other food) Throw me some chicken."

nickelsworth.wav(72K) nickelsworth.mp3(33K) nickelsworth.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "See that? Pure power. You could use a nickel's worth junior."

thatlookright.wav(60K) thatlookright.mp3(28K) thatlookright.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Concessions Worker: "Let me show you something. Does that look right to you?"

thatblondechick.wav(86K) thatblondechick.mp3(40K) thatblondechick.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Rink Worker: "That blonde chick's a dude? Oh, man."

louisarmstrong.wav(194K) louisarmstrong.mp3(89K) louisarmstrong.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "They're laughing at us."
Chazz: "Hey, they laughed at Louis Armstrong when he said he was gonna go to the moon. Now he's up there laughing at them."

thefunkybunch.wav(66K) thefunkybunch.mp3(31K) thefunkybunch.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stranz: "Not only did we embarrass Marky Mark, we let down the Funky Bunch."

cageoffear.wav(73K) cageoffear.mp3(34K) cageoffear.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Coach: "I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life in a cage of fear."

tryingtoeat.wav(279K) tryingtoeat.mp3(127K) tryingtoeat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "Do you mind? I'm trying to eat here."
Chazz: "Just thought you'd like to see what a skater's body really looks like. Go ahead, drink it in. Don't be shy. Looking's for free. Touching's gonna cost you something."

skatersbody.wav(66K) skatersbody.mp3(31K) skatersbody.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Just thought you'd like to see what a skater's body really looks like."

lookingsforfree.wav(128K) lookingsforfree.mp3(59K) lookingsforfree.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Go ahead, drink it in. Don't be shy. Looking's for free. Touching's gonna cost you something."

illcoachyou.wav(2662K) illcoachyou.mp3(1208K) illcoachyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "What am I supposed to say? No, no, you can't."
Chazz: "It's ringing."
Jimmy: "I can't."
Chazz: "Go!"
Katie Val Waldenberg (Jenna Ficher): "Sorry."
Fairchild: "Maybe it's Nike."
Stranz: "Van Waldenberg Companies."
Chazz: "Talk!"
Jimmy: "I can't!"
Chazz: "Relax!"
Jimmy: "Uh, hi. It's Jimmy MacElroy. Is Katie there?"
Stranz: "It's MacElroy, for her."
Katie: "What? For me? Why?"
Jimmy: "I can't do it."
Chazz: "I'll coach you. Get on the phone."
Fairchild: "Stranz?"
Katie: "Hello?"
Chazz: "Okay. 'Yo, it's the Mac attack. What up?'"
Jimmy: "Yo. Hi. It's the Mac attack. What up?"
Fairchild: "Okay. Say, 'Oh, my, you're just catching me getting out of the shower.'"
Katie: "(mouths the word no)"
Stranz: "Sell yourself. "
Fairchild: "Will you be quiet?"
Katie: "You know, you just caught me getting out of the shower."
Jimmy: "She just got out of the shower."
Chazz: "Oh, me likey."
Jimmy: "No, no, no. I have to call her back. This is so rude."
Chazz: "No! Are you insane?"
Jimmy: "Shh. She's gonna hear you."
Chazz: "Get back on the phone. Say 'Shower, I gotta get me one of those 'cause I just got back from the gym doing my squat thrusts.'"
Jimmy: "Um, I gotta-- Yeah, shower. I need one of those 'cause I just cot back from the gym doing my squat thrusts."
Fairchild: "'Squat thrusts must be hard, real hard.'"
Katie: "Um, squat thrusts are hard."
Fairchild: "'Real hard.'"
Katie: "Real hard."
Chazz: "'They're hard alright. But it's worth it to get a sweet burn deep in your thigh.'"
Jimmy: "It's worth it to get a deep burn, uh, in my sweet thighs."
Fairchild: "'You know how you can soothe a nasty burn? Pour some sweet cream on it.'"
Katie: "Do you know what you can do for a burn? Pour sweet cream on it."
Chazz: "Oh, my God, you've bagged a wild lynx. Okay, say, 'Sounds to me like your cream needs to be whipped', and then go... (makes a tongue waggling noise)"
Jimmy: "I was wondering if you wanted to get a snow cone sometime?"
Chazz: "What?!"
Katie: "Yeah. I would like to get a snow cone."
Fairchild: "No, no, no, no."
Katie: "I haven't had a snow cone in a couple of years, actually."
Fairchild: "No, you have to be sexy. Say you want a snow boner."
Katie: "Um, okay."
Fairchild: "Snow boner."
Katie: "Yeah, 8:00 tonight. That sounds great. It will, uh, 'get me time to get my jugs waxed.'"
Jimmy: "Okay. Well, I'll see you."

twindongs.wav(109K) twindongs.mp3(50K) twindongs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Coach: "What do you guys have that none of the other teams have?"
Chazz: "Twin dongs?"

crazyenough.wav(354K) crazyenough.mp3(161K) crazyenough.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Coach: "And like many revolutionary ideas, it just scared the bleep out of the establishment. So I quit. And I took it to the only place on earth batbleep crazy enough to give it a try. North Korea."
Chazz: "Of course."

theironlotus.wav(170K) theironlotus.mp3(78K) theironlotus.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Coach: "Behind the Bamboo Curtain, they call it The Iron Lotus."

usethesethings.wav(139K) usethesethings.mp3(64K) usethesethings.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Ahh! My nut-sack! Hey! You gotta be careful, man. Unlike you, I actually use these things."

mynutsack.wav(53K) mynutsack.mp3(25K) mynutsack.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Ahh! My nut-sack!"

dragyourballs.wav(130K) dragyourballs.mp3(60K) dragyourballs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Hey, look, I didn't mean to drag your balls into the discussion. That was-- That was uncalled for. They're-- They're fine, I overreacted."

iceblows.wav(32K) iceblows.mp3(15K) iceblows.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Katie: "Ice blows."

likeaslave.wav(518K) likeaslave.mp3(235K) likeaslave.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "You know what I got for my tenth birthday? A six-pack of protein shakes and a subscription to Men's Health."
Katie: "I didn't have a tenth birthday. My sister told all my friends I was in jail for armed robbery."
Jimmy: "When I was nine, my dad insisted on having me circumcised to minimize wind resistance."
Katie: "While driving me to skating practice, my parents were in a fatal accident. My brother and sister blame me for their death and they force me to work for them... like a slave."

romanticstory.wav(123K) romanticstory.mp3(56K) romanticstory.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Katie: "Wow. I never really thought of that as a romantic story before."

withyourwiener.wav(98K) withyourwiener.mp3(45K) withyourwiener.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "So, how'd it go with your lady? Carve up any ice... with your wiener?"

didntyousay.wav(774K) didntyousay.mp3(352K) didntyousay.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Reporter - Montreal (David Pressman): "Didn't you once say, and I quote, 'Jimmy MacElroy is a lifeless robot on the ice?'"
Jimmy: "He would never say such a..."
Chazz: "Yes, I did. But I was referring to the precision and beauty of robots. If they had published the rest of the quote..."
Surly Reporter - Montreal (James M.Connor): "They did publish the rest of your quote. You go on to say, 'I've had lint at the top of my ass crack with more personality than that Daddy's boy.' End quote."
Chazz: "Alright, Mr. Smart Reporter, showing off. You figured how to work the Google on the internet machine. Well, here's a new quote for you, alright? Chazz Michaels and Jimmy MacElroy are figure skating. Boom!"

internetmachine.wav(142K) internetmachine.mp3(65K) internetmachine.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Alright, Mr. Smart Reporter, showing off. You figured how to work the Google on the internet machine."

newquote.wav(143K) newquote.mp3(66K) newquote.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Well, here's a new quote for you, alright? Chazz Michaels and Jimmy MacElroy are figure skating. Boom!"

tochazznow.wav(355K) tochazznow.mp3(162K) tochazznow.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Fairchild: "Did it go well?"
Katie: "Yeah, we had snow cones..."
Fairchild: "Oh, that's so great."
Katie: "And we saw this ice sculpture."
Fairchild: "We want you to turn your attention to Chazz now."
Katie: "What?"
Fairchild: "MacElroy's heart is like a beautiful apple that's in your hand and now you need to bite it. Nothing breaks up a team faster than..."
Stranz: "Herpes. Jealousy."

biteit.wav(101K) biteit.mp3(46K) biteit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Fairchild: "MacElroy's heart is like a beautiful apple that's in your hand and now you need to bite it."

fasterthanherpes.wav(101K) fasterthanherpes.mp3(47K) fasterthanherpes.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Fairchild: "Nothing breaks up a team faster than..."
Stranz: "Herpes. Jealousy."

sharing.wav(1233K) sharing.mp3(560K) sharing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Sex Class Counselor (Luke Wilson): "Would you like to start the day off by sharing?"
Chazz: "I was just trying to find some peace. A haven, a place where I could feel safe."
Female Sex Addict (Katharine Towne): "And then what happened?"
Chazz: "Well, she was my yoga instructor. So I know she was limber."
Female Sex Addict: "Yeah?"
Sex Class Counselor: "But, Chazz, you realize this would just set you back and further hurt your progress in maintaining control over your libido, correct?"
Chazz: "Yes. Thank you, Taylor. Definitely. Until her friend, a massage therapist walked in the door naked."
Sex Class Counselor: "Easy, Chazz."
Chazz: "With a big bottle of canola oil and a monkey who was trained to work on a video camera. And she rocked my world. "
Sex Class Counselor: "Guys! Chazz, I have asked you to leave before and I don't want to do it again."
Chazz: "Taylor, come on, man."

havingsexalot.wav(147K) havingsexalot.mp3(68K) havingsexalot.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Katie: "Hi. I'm sorry I'm late. I was, um, having sex. A lot."

sexaddict.wav(150K) sexaddict.mp3(69K) sexaddict.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Katie: "I'm Katie."
Sex Class Counselor: "And?"
Katie: "Oh, and I'm a sex addict."
All: "Hi, Katie."

serenity.wav(282K) serenity.mp3(129K) serenity.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "God grant me the serenity not to have sex with my friend's girlfriend, the courage to go home without having sex with my friend's girlfriend and the wisdom to know that masturbation is sometimes the most sensible solution."

ohsweetjesus.wav(36K) ohsweetjesus.mp3(17K) ohsweetjesus.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Oh, sweet Jesus."

rightontime.wav(53K) rightontime.mp3(25K) rightontime.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Katie: "You're right on time. Come in."

parka.wav(303K) parka.mp3(138K) parka.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Katie: "Would you like some champagne?"
Chazz: "Uh, no. No, I cant, I-- Actually I just came by 'cause I had something to say to you."
Katie: "What?"
Chazz: "Do you have a bathrobe or a parka you could pooka-- poka..."
Katie: "Sorry. I'm hot."

bathrobe.wav(125K) bathrobe.mp3(58K) bathrobe.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Do you have a bathrobe or a parka you could pooka-- poka..."
Katie: "Sorry. I'm hot."

sorryimhot.wav(60K) sorryimhot.mp3(28K) sorryimhot.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Katie: "Sorry. I'm hot."

fromthebed.wav(274K) fromthebed.mp3(125K) fromthebed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Katie: "Wouldn't you feel more comfortable saying what you need to say from the bed?"
Chazz: "Probably not."
Katie: "It's a Postrurpedic."
Chazz: "Oh, well, then, in that case, uh, it's good for my back, so might as well try it."

heregoes.wav(489K) heregoes.mp3(222K) heregoes.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Okay, uh, here goes. I know that sex-- I know that sex addiction is a disease. (he grabs her chest) Oh, God, they feel so good. Oh, God, this is so wrong. Jimmy's my friend. I'm not gonna do this."
Katie: "Wait. Do you really mean that?"
Chazz: "Yes, I think so. No. Yes, I do. I do. (still holding her chest) I can't go through with this."
Katie: "Thank God."
Chazz: "Oh, God, what a relief."
Katie: "Yeah."
Chazz: "He's got a heart of gold."

thisissowrong.wav(189K) thisissowrong.mp3(86K) thisissowrong.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Oh, God, this is so wrong. Jimmy's my friend. I'm not gonna do this."
Katie: "Wait. Do you really mean that?"
Chazz: "Yes, I think so. No. Yes, I do."

yesido.wav(116K) yesido.mp3(53K) yesido.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Katie: "Wait. Do you really mean that?"
Chazz: "Yes, I think so. No. Yes, I do."

gotitallwrong.wav(206K) gotitallwrong.mp3(94K) gotitallwrong.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "You- You- You sex demon! You- You sex fiend!"
Chazz: "No, you got it all wrong. (he grabs her chest again)"
Jimmy: "Impure! Impure!"

sexdemon.wav(63K) sexdemon.mp3(29K) sexdemon.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "You- You- You sex demon!"

sexfiend.wav(63K) sexfiend.mp3(29K) sexfiend.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "You- You- You sex fiend!"

impure.wav(57K) impure.mp3(27K) impure.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "Impure! Impure!"

notcomingoutright.wav(398K) notcomingoutright.mp3(181K) notcomingoutright.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy's Answering Machine: "Hey, it's Jimmy. If you can dream in, you dan do it."
Chazz: "Uh, Jimmy, hey, it's me, Chazz. Look, what happened back there, so not a big deal. Just think of it like a boob handshake between me and your lady's-- Look, uh, that's not coming out right. I'll explain it. Call me back, please. It's me, Chazz."

committed.wav(180K) committed.mp3(82K) committed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "I'm committed to this thing called friendship. And I ain't going nowhere. And if you think I'm going anywhere, you're wrong. You know why? Because I will not back down, ever!"

notbackdownever.wav(79K) notbackdownever.mp3(36K) notbackdownever.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "You're wrong. You know why? Because I will not back down, ever!"

getofftheline.wav(78K) getofftheline.mp3(36K) getofftheline.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "I've won a lot of radio contests because I refused to get off the line!"

batmanandrobin.wav(254K) batmanandrobin.mp3(116K) batmanandrobin.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "If we went to a Halloween party dressed as Batman and Robin, I'd go as Robin. That's how much you mean to me. That was stupid that I said that. You know what? No. I'm not. I don't think that's stupid. I'm glad that I said that."

downmypants.wav(116K) downmypants.mp3(53K) downmypants.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Hey, turd-face, guess what? I've taken every single one of your teddy bears, and I've stuffed them down my pants."

heyyikessorry.wav(99K) heyyikessorry.mp3(46K) heyyikessorry.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Hey, yikes. Sorry."

marshmallows.wav(127K) marshmallows.mp3(58K) marshmallows.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "For about a month, my urine smelled like marshmallows."

missathing.wav(379K) missathing.mp3(173K) missathing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "(singing) Don't wanna close my eyes! Don't wanna fall asleep 'cause I miss you Jimmy! And I don't wanna miss a thing! So call me back now!"

loveyouandstuff.wav(69K) loveyouandstuff.mp3(32K) loveyouandstuff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stranz: "No, come on, Katie, don't go. We love you and stuff."

badbehavior.wav(63K) badbehavior.mp3(29K) badbehavior.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stranz: "That might require some... bad behavior."

pureevil.wav(85K) pureevil.mp3(39K) pureevil.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "You are evil. Pure evil! Your whole family's evil!"

arealahole.wav(68K) arealahole.mp3(31K) arealahole.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Whoever invented rope was a real a-hole."

ohcrap.wav(33K) ohcrap.mp3(16K) ohcrap.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stranz: "Oh, crap."

saveyounow.wav(193K) saveyounow.mp3(88K) saveyounow.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stranz: "Who's gonna save you now, Chazz? Is little Lord MacElroy gonna come and meet you down here? (Chazz flips him the bird)"

snowflake.wav(39K) snowflake.mp3(19K) snowflake.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Snowflake!"

interestingtake.wav(68K) interestingtake.mp3(32K) interestingtake.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Scott Hamilton: "Well, that was an interesting take on American History."

stoptalking.wav(539K) stoptalking.mp3(245K) stoptalking.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Hey, Jimmy! Jimmy!"
Jimmy: "Chazz!"
Chazz: "Hey, I didn't sleep with Katie!"
Jimmy: "I know!"
Chazz: "We didn't even got to second base. Well, maybe I did. What I felt in my pants was weird and shameful."
Jimmy: "Okay, we can discuss that later! You kinda have to be down here right now or we're gonna be disqualified!"
Chazz: "Katie is not a whore!"
Jimmy: "Okay, I get it! Just stop talking!"

maybeidid.wav(192K) maybeidid.mp3(88K) maybeidid.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Hey, I didn't sleep with Katie!"
Jimmy: "I know!"
Chazz: "We didn't even got to second base. Well, maybe I did."

notawhore.wav(45K) notawhore.mp3(21K) notawhore.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Katie is not a whore!"

okayigetit.wav(67K) okayigetit.mp3(31K) okayigetit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jimmy: "Okay, I get it! Just stop talking!"

inahurry.wav(115K) inahurry.mp3(53K) inahurry.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim Lampley: "And there's another unique Michaels skill. Out of his clothes in a hurry when he has to."

capturethedream.wav(157K) capturethedream.mp3(72K) capturethedream.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Let's capture the dream?"
Jimmy: "Capture the-- I love it. Where'd you come up with that? (There's a giant banner behind them with 'Capture The Dream' on it)"
Chazz: "I have no idea where I came up with it."
Jimmy: "Cool."

kicksomeice.wav(34K) kicksomeice.mp3(16K) kicksomeice.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "Let's kick some ice."

realjob.wav(117K) realjob.mp3(54K) realjob.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stranz: "It's over. All the endorsements, everything gone. Oh, my God, I can't get a real job. It'll kill me."

brokemyankle.wav(154K) brokemyankle.mp3(71K) brokemyankle.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "I think I broke my ankle."
Jimmy: "What?"
Chazz: "I'm gonna put some weight on it to see. (He screams in pain)"
Jimmy: "(He also screams to make it look like part of their performance)"

cutmyheadoff.wav(218K) cutmyheadoff.mp3(100K) cutmyheadoff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "I can't do the Lotus with a shattered ankle. I'm just a man for God's sake."
Jimmy: "We'll switch places."
Chazz: "I swear to God, if you cut my head off..."

itssuicide.wav(80K) itssuicide.mp3(37K) itssuicide.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Coach: "No! Don't do it! I was wrong! It's suicide!"

wetmypants.wav(113K) wetmypants.mp3(52K) wetmypants.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Scott Hamilton: "Michaels and MacElroy have brought the legend to life!"
Jim Lampley: "Scott, I seem to have wet my pants."

thatsnother.wav(80K) thatsnother.mp3(37K) thatsnother.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "I think I see the Virgin Mary."
Jimmy: "No, that's not her."

accesspoint.wav(122K) accesspoint.mp3(56K) accesspoint.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Hot Medic: "I'm gonna have to cut your pants off."
Chazz: "Okay, but start up near the crotch. That's a better access point."

thisismybrother.wav(796K) thisismybrother.mp3(362K) thisismybrother.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "And that's why I was a sex addict. Because no one ever loved me. But I learned something here today. That ice doesn't belong here. It belongs out there, out on the ice, in an ice rink. I never had a father, okay? But, I don't care! Because now I've got a brother. This is my brother! And this is my brother's new girlfriend. And she is not a whore."

smellofsweetgold.wav(280K) smellofsweetgold.mp3(128K) smellofsweetgold.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "I'm in a lot of pain. I feel like I'm gonna barf."
Jimmy: "Chazz, Chazz, Chazz, they got to get you to a hospital. Come on."
Chazz: "What? No. And miss the smell of sweet gold? Not on your life."

wannawear.wav(156K) wannawear.mp3(71K) wannawear.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Hector: "Jimmy, you did it! The gold medal, baby! You did it! I wanna wear the gold medal... naked."

hammered.wav(302K) hammered.mp3(137K) hammered.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Chazz: "That's you, the wolf that runs with the Lone Wolf. So that the Lone Wolf never has to be alone again. That's how much you mean to me, bro."
Jimmy: "You were drunk when you got it, weren't you?"
Chazz: "Yes, absolutely hammered."

hecctorsplay.wav(1893K) hecctorsplay.mp3(859K) hecctorsplay.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Hector: "Ahh, USA. The gold medal has been won by Jimmy and Chazz, thanks to Hector's idea."
Hector: "(as Jimmy) 'We did it, Hector.'"
Hector: "(as Chazz) 'Boom! We sure did. Thank you Hector. He did it for us.'"
Hector: "(as Jimmy) 'Where is Hector?'"
Hector: "(as Hector) 'Here I am, guys. We did it. High-fives. Cool. Way to go, guys. Gold medal. You guys are the best. Hey, uh, Jimmy?'"
Hector: "(as Jimmy) 'Yeah, Hector?'"
Hector: "(as Hector) 'Could you give me a time-out her with Chazz?'"
Hector: "(as Jimmy) 'Yeah, sure. Are you crying?'"
Hector: "(as Hector) 'No. I'm fine.'"
Hector: "(as Jimmy) 'Okay. I'll go over here. Sandwich.'"
Hector: "(as Hector) 'Hey, Chazz?'"
Hector: "(as Chazz) 'What is it? Boom.'"
Hector: "(as Hector) 'I just want to say you guys are partners now. I've been friends with him forever, and you take good care of him.'"
Hector: "(as Chazz) 'I will. Boom.'"
Hector: "(as Hector) 'He just loves food. And he likes dreams and whispers and his favorite movie is Short Circuit and Fried Green Tomatoes. And just watch over him. Alright?'"
Hector: "(as Chazz) 'I will. Boom. You have my word. High-five.'"
Hector: "(as Hector) 'God bless you. Sweet. Jimmy, you can come back.'"
Hector: "(as Jimmy) 'What you guys were talking about?'"
Hector: "(as Hector) 'Just stuff, you know. Hey, guys, you're amazing. I just wanna say keep dreaming because there's a lot of dreams to be had.'"
Hector: "USA."

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